Oct. 1st, 2004

pennfana: (Default)
First of all, the MIDI of "Hector the Hero" that I'm listening to (as well as the lyrics to the song) can be found at http://pw1.netcom.com/~reincke/lyrics.html; if it doesn't start playing when the page is brought up, the MIDI itself should be accessible at http://pw1.netcom.com/~reincke/hector1.mid.

I've had this tune--this song, for it has words--on the brain for quite some time. I know I've already mentioned part of the reason why this is my signature tune; the Phats are the reason why I can actually stand this tune in the first place. But this tune (and particularly the version of it that I'm listening to at the moment) has a few...less positive associations in my mind. I learned the blasted tune on the fiddle from this MIDI, for one thing, and my life wasn't exactly peachy keen at the time. (Truth be told, there's one person involved who I still try not to think of, though I don't think I've been bitter about the situation since about six months after it actually happened.)

So why am I listening to "Hector" right now? Probably because I need a good cry.

Don't get me wrong here. Life's pretty good right now. I have work that, while it doesn't pay well, suits my personality and gives me excellent experience for my future career as a teacher. I'm a member of two choirs and a pipe band (as well as the Phats), and the people I've met through music have definitely become a blessing. I don't have many real friends, but I know that I can trust those I do have, even if we don't speak as often these days as we used to. The courses I'm taking are going fairly well at the moment. I'm finally getting over this dratted cold and I'll probably start calling my friends when I'm well enough to talk on the phone without a coughing fit interrupting the conversation. All in all, I'm content.

Still, I think I need a good cry lately. There are a few circumstances in my life right now that, while I don't exactly feel comfortable with posting them on the internet where anyone might see them, I can safely admit that I'm having a wee bit of trouble dealing with. There's a fair amount of confusion involved in one of them, preparation for grief in another because of something linked to the first one, a fair bit of apprehension because of a third, and a feeling of intense disbelief because of a fourth. Frankly, the time of year isn't helping. For whatever reason, my hormones tend to go a bit weird around October and May, making me a bit more emotional than usual. Add my present circumstances and you've got One Hell Of A Weird Mood.

Come on, catharsis...

=P

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